I reserve the right to be shady because

I have a terrible, horrible and occasionally forgetful memory, which often makes me unreliable. I don’t believe there’s a person I’ve come into contact with in my life who has deemed me dependable.

I have an acute hearing problem which some choose to call “selective”. I try not to take offense. Chances are, if I have to actively pay attention to what you’re saying for more than 5 or 6 seconds I’ll start thinking about myself and that’s a subject I have to give my full attention. Sorry. You’re just not as important as I am.

This is a new discovery, albeit late but a discovery nonetheless, I require what some would call excess amounts of sleep. If I don’t sleep, I’m irritable, if I’m irritable my memory becomes limited and my hearing starts getting worse and as a result I become unreliable and/or unfriendly.

I’m selfish. So are you DON’T deny it! If I have the choice between sleeping/anything else I wish to do consider yourself dropped.

A government MANDATE for TP!!!

If we had a union I would file a grievance. It should be a requirement that to be considered usable toilet paper that it at the very LEAST be one ply. That's all I'm asking for, a measly ply. It's terrible enough that you be subjected to actually use a public restroom, but it just adds insult to injury when forced to wipe with what is some cruel (and probably short) invidual's idea of toilet paper.

It's pretty obvious what's wrong with this picture. This is not suitable for its intended use. I feel like the emperor in The Emperor's New Clothes except they gave me invisible toilet paper intead of clothes and instead of the Emperor I'm actually the groundling who's only allowed to bathe semi-yearly. Even the BEARS use Charmin! How are they able to procure plush toilet paper in the wilderness? I bet they don't even have to pay for it! I bet Charmin provides THE BEARS with free toilet paper, yet neglects those who actually VALUE hygiene! Anyone else feel as if public restrooms lack proper toilet paper? SPEAK UP!!!! BE THE CHANGE YOU WISH TO SEE! STEP LIGHTLY, EAT LIVELY and all that other inspirational junk people say to get you to act.