"50% More" Translates to "174% More Difficult to Use"

Ridonkulousness in the form of Krazy Glue, I give you exhibit A.

It appears to be a decent enough product, and I'm sure, knowing Jennifer (this is foreshadowing, people) that this is probably a product that she has grown to trust. It has never let her down in the past, therefore she plucks it TRUSTINGLY from the myriad of glue of the crazy variety. The packaging isn't all that suspect to the UN-trained eye, but upon further inspection you'll note the "50% MORE" hoop-lah they proudly stamp on the front. It becomes pretty obvious at this point that they have somehow tampered with the product. Probably by enhancing destroying a perfectly perfect design by adding superfluous changes meant to make it "easier to use" which actually makes it MORE impossible to use. Cause let's face it, how easy was it to use any form of wicked adhesive glue in the first place? Sweat dripping down your nose that accumulated underneath the nose pieces of Grandpa's +8.75 reading magnifying glasses while you're trying desperately to piece back together that antique vase that's been in your family for 16 generations (which you accidentally knocked over in a well executed, albeit slightly reckless, fit of excitement over the long overdue Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles marathon) with a set of tweezers in one hand and a pair of chopsticks in the other looking over your shoulder and jumping at every sound that could POSSIBLY be a garage door but is mostly just Gramps banging around upstairs trying to find his "misplaced" glasses. Whew! I feel better now...

BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT! EXHIBIT B IS THE POINT!

NOTHING SHOULD EVER BE MADE INTO A PEN!!! I know what you're thinking, Sharpies were never meant to be pens either. You run out and buy one thinking "What what!!! They made a permanent PEN that doesn't bleed through!" So there you are, working vigorously on your homework and have become stuck on a question/conversation you're having with a friend and have absent mindedly drawn a very detailed and DARK black hole... which has frickin' BLED THROUGH ON TO THE DINING ROOM TABLE!!! The phone's dropped and you're running full speed to the garage to procure a sander. Do you know how difficult and time consuming it is to use a sander? Do you know how impossible it is to stain a 4" by 6" spot the same color as the rest of the table surface? Do you know how ridiculously tiring it is to sand down an entire dining room table surface, stain it a different color and then convince your mother that you did it to match her decorative plates and tie in the kitchen to the dining room? Thank God I watched Trading Spaces after school each day. Wow, hindsight? Spent a lot of time covering up my accidental tracks.

BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT! EXHIBIT C IS THE POINT!!!!

Ahem, this is an accurate/crude re-creation of the tip of the stupid pen before I gave it its well deserved haircut. However! Don't make my mistakes. Leave the tip on, cause evidently it's some fancy shmance design that keeps the glue in or whatever with some silly airtight design that also gives you 50% more stupid glue that I can't even use because I accidentally "pierced" the tip of the pen. Which brings me to the close and my lesson learned today. Always read the directions on the back of shysty glue.