Don't Blink or Stare

Curious, contemplative, urgent, and habitually are only a few ways I have considered this watch.

Sitting in my work vehicle, my left leg propped up, right hand on the steering wheel I brought up my left arm and turned it so that I could  know the time.  Only intending for it to be a quick glance, I was startled by the realization that I'd had this watch since my first day of work at this company.  I began examining reverently.  Sure, it's missing a pretty good sized chunk of its band, a few minor scratches here and there and perhaps the paint may actually be completely gone in a couple of spots, but it's never stopped, its alarm has never failed to inform me of important events, it's never lost track, I've never even had to replace the battery.  It's kept up with time for the better part of four years. Perhaps even more startling for me was the simple truth that I have never once considered replacing it.

This sparked an entire new train of thought; how much have I lost track of in four years? What have I replaced?  Objects and belongings that I once considered irreplaceable? What are those and when did disregard them as superfluous?  People, friends, lovers, partners, animals, family... at what point in time did my mind change to consider these not worth my time?  Because if I really break it down, that's exactly what you're deciding when you rid yourself of something, anything. This is not worth the space it takes up, the energy it requires to keep, and most importantly, the time it drains to the ever present ticking countdown of your life. How much time have I lost?

That clock's ticking is louder than absolutely any other piece of enjoyment you take from this world.  The ticking is conveyed in every inspirational and motivational piece we hold dear.  Sure the old adage begins by encouraging you to "enjoy life" but it's quickly followed by the daunting ticking "before time is gone".

Enjoy... before it's too late...  tick, tick, tick....

"Better three hours too soon than a minute too late" - William Shakespeare

"The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it".- Henry David Thoreau

"Time brings all things to pass."- Aeschylus

"It could all be gone in the blink of an eye."

“There’s no next time. It’s now or never.” – Celestine Chua

"When in doubt, take more time." - John Zimmerman

"We are not long here, our time is but a breath so we better breathe it" -Brooke Fraser

"Time is money." Benjamin Franklin

You hear it now, don't you? But more importantly you feel it, don't you?

Tick, tick, tick, tick

According to what we're told time can heal your broken heart, bring clarity to your fraughtful mind, even bring prosperity, allow for greater opportunities at work, school your home life, teach you patience... etc. Time is the answer to every question you have, right?

But that infernal ticking makes us believe otherwise, doesn't it? It brings the anxiety with the realization that sometimes there's no time; not to explain, not enough time in a day to finish your work, say goodbye, clean the dishes, shower, play catch with your kid, kiss your lover, call your mother on her birthday, sleep, breathe...

Tick, tick, tick, tick
                                                                                           
How can we possibly be expected to push the adage to take advantage of something as fleeting as time when we don't don't feel we have enough of it to sit and actually contemplate how it's being squandered?  How can we devise and set into action a plan that frees us of the ticking???

When stripped of possessions, goals and love, when we're broken and at our smallest and most vulnerable the one thing that will remain ours alone is our time.  So take back your time because eventually your timer's ringing is gonna signal the end to not only your past and present but also your future.

Will you be left saying, "No! I wasn't finished! I need more time!"?

I don't have answers (Duh, do I ever?) I'm searching for them.  The absolute only contentment I feel is when I remember times in which the ticking was replaced by ringing.  Time to act, the ringing cries.  The time is... right... now....

Time is Ticking

But I'm not always diligent and I don't always care, 

Though it only takes a moment that I'm made painfully aware.

That time is short, but some days are long, 

And that's only hard to remember until time is gone.