Alright, so, I’ve decided to make ONE, yes ONE coaster/trivet/masterpiece/disaster. I’ve arrived at the sealing portion which just so happens to enlist the powers of (DUN DUN DUNNNN) POLYURYTHANE. Whoa, is that right? Do I really know how to spell that word? Hells yeah I DO! Okay, anyway, so OBVIOUSLY because it’s me you got kinda worried about me using polyurethane (Oh, okay I DIDN'T know how to spell that word, but guess what? THE INTERNET DOES) SAID CAN IS a SPRAY can. I’m headed out to the back deck with said WMD (weapon of mass destruction(I spelled destruction with an ‘I’ at first… shhhh).
So I start thinking ahead, RIGHT?! Like I’m all “hey, maybe I should get something to put this on before I go spraying a substance that, judging by what I read on the bottle, can actually kill the population of a small polis. (CITY STATE! HISTORY LESSON!).
I’m simultaneously pre-congratulating myself for both having FORESIGHT and also considering giving a huge EFF YOU to Jeff, the landlord who doesn’t have a soul/will not allow me to have a dog by carelessly (passive-aggressively) spraying poly-SARS all over the back deck. DEAL WITH IT, JEFF!
While all this GENIUS is taking place in my head I’ve somehow managed to work the cap off of Death (now conveniently sold in spray bottle) and read the REST of the directions. With a furrowed brow I decided that I am fully capable of working this simple machine. I bend over, extend my arm the recommended 12 inches from object, recheck my aim, level my head and CONFIDENTLY apply pressure to the tip of the spray apparatus while "LIKE A BOSS!" is being said like a mantra in my head.
So I start thinking ahead, RIGHT?! Like I’m all “hey, maybe I should get something to put this on before I go spraying a substance that, judging by what I read on the bottle, can actually kill the population of a small polis. (CITY STATE! HISTORY LESSON!).
I’m simultaneously pre-congratulating myself for both having FORESIGHT and also considering giving a huge EFF YOU to Jeff, the landlord who doesn’t have a soul/will not allow me to have a dog by carelessly (passive-aggressively) spraying poly-SARS all over the back deck. DEAL WITH IT, JEFF!
While all this GENIUS is taking place in my head I’ve somehow managed to work the cap off of Death (now conveniently sold in spray bottle) and read the REST of the directions. With a furrowed brow I decided that I am fully capable of working this simple machine. I bend over, extend my arm the recommended 12 inches from object, recheck my aim, level my head and CONFIDENTLY apply pressure to the tip of the spray apparatus while "LIKE A BOSS!" is being said like a mantra in my head.
Needless to say, I think we both know which I chose, right?
Now that I've engaged in a 45 minute thorough eyewash that HOPEFULLY saved my eyesight, I had to relinquish hold on the sink sprayer because OBVIOUSLY I have larger fish to fry.
How the in the ACTUAL hell do I get polyurethane out of my hair?
Disclaimer: I am marginally inebriated, though I don’t think it factored. These are my truths.
